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Thursday, August 8, 2013

Flawed Yet Fabulous- Just Say No to Perfection

What does being in a relationship mean?

Where do you draw the line between something being endearingly flawed and hopeless?

Where is that breaking point? How long should you hang on or keep working and when do you just "call it."

There are so many things that have been running through my head these last 6 months.  What really got the wheels turning for me recently is this amazing blog I came across written by this inspirational New York couple;

Not only is the look of the blog extremely creative and modern (the writers are also graphic designers) but it's centered around what I think is a brilliant idea.  It is a question I have always wanted to know the answer to and I think these two people are going to answer it.  Can a man and woman really just be friends?


So here's what they did: GENIUS! They have been friends for about 4 years, they recently found themselves single at the same time and decided to date one another exclusively (with a set of rules) for forty days and see what happens at the end.  One rule they have is to attend therapy together once a week to work on relationship issues they know they already have (girl who rushes in and commitment-phobe).  So, they are dealing with their issues together while also asking this relationship question.

The experiment is over, however they were keeping a structured diary the whole time.  Everyday they each post their thoughts for one of the days next to one another so you can see the similarities and differences.  The thing I love most about this blog, not only is it entertaining but it is extremely educational.  This girls behavior in relationships is so much like mine and I'm sure many other girls as well.  It made me feel like my feelings and problems are normal which has been awesome.  Seeing her grow has shown me how in what capacities I have the potential to grow.  It's just such a relief to see other people who struggle with similar feelings and experiences.  If this couple hadn't made this commitment and weren't going to therapy it would have ended already and probably a lot like most of our relationships do.  But I think this is absolutely brilliant and I can't wait to read the outcome, 10 more days!!

On a side note one thing I do take from the entries so far is that our upbringing and environments really do shape our feelings and views on relationships.  Even though as we grow older we do change those views to accommodate the relationships we want and what is right for us, our foundation was laid as children.  That's one characteristic between the girl Jessie and I that hit me in the face.  Her parents are still together, married at a young age like mine.   Her big tendency is to rush into a relationship and get too serious too fast.  This is because that ground work to find "the one" and start a family is what she knows.  It subconsciously puts pressure on her and without it she feels she is failing.  That is the main feeling that I have been struggling with, failure.  What an ugly word.  Time to turn that sense of failure around into something else.  Something productive or even beautiful.

Keep the love alive,