Am I Jealous? No Dah-ling Just Territorial

I stole this post from my other blog because I felt like it was relevant to both.  :-) I happened across the following quote recently and it really got me thinking.

                                          

Beware of the gratuitous quotes in this entry.  I liked the color and they are just so well said, I couldn't help it!
                                 
This quote caused a lot of feelings for me.  I've had some recent relationships where if I were to ask a question about a female friend of my significant other or express a concern about certain boundaries being crossed, it is usually met with the accusation that I am overreacting and being jealous.  For the most part I have a good perspective and am emotionally stable, so I felt like this was unfair and inaccurate for my boyfriends to make me feel this way.  When I read this quote a wave of relief washed over me because it exactly put into words how I had been feeling for so long.  What is so wrong with protecting whats yours anyway? There are definitely women out there who get satisfaction and enjoyment from stealing other women's men.  They don't abide by girl code.  I have experienced it multiple times as I'm sure most women have.  We do have to stand up for ourselves and our relationships sometimes and protect them from people who want to interfere and break them up.  For one I always make a conscious effort to respect those relationships and boundaries.  This is probably why I have never had many male friends that were strictly just friends.  Can men and women ever just be friends? I will write more on that topic later.  Back to my point, it always flatters me when my boyfriends express slight jealousy for me.  This is why:

                                       

On that same note a little jealousy is healthy if the relationship is strong.  It is born from love and is a basic human emotion.  The problem arises and it gets out of control when the other person or your own irrational fear makes you feel like that person would be more fulfilled by someone else instead of you.  When the jealousy starts becoming unhealthy and causing damage to the relationship, then it's time to take another look at what's really going on and where the real problem lies.  Something is definitely broken at that point.  If you find it early it can still be fixed.  Just like intimacy I feel like the amount of jealousy happening in a relationship is a huge indicator for the relationship status.  I do feel it is a late sign though, once it gets out of control things can unravel quickly, very quickly.

Let me leave you with one last quote that pretty perfectly sums it all up for me:

                                                    

So don't be afraid of some salt in moderation.  Cheers my dears it's Friday!

Flawed Yet Fabulous- Just Say No to Perfection

What does being in a relationship mean?

Where do you draw the line between something being endearingly flawed and hopeless?

Where is that breaking point? How long should you hang on or keep working and when do you just "call it."

There are so many things that have been running through my head these last 6 months.  What really got the wheels turning for me recently is this amazing blog I came across written by this inspirational New York couple; fortydaysofdating.com..

Not only is the look of the blog extremely creative and modern (the writers are also graphic designers) but it's centered around what I think is a brilliant idea.  It is a question I have always wanted to know the answer to and I think these two people are going to answer it.  Can a man and woman really just be friends?

So here's what they did: GENIUS! They have been friends for about 4 years, they recently found themselves single at the same time and decided to date one another exclusively (with a set of rules) for forty days and see what happens at the end.  One rule they have is to attend therapy together once a week to work on relationship issues they know they already have (girl who rushes in and commitment-phobe).  So, they are dealing with their issues together while also asking this relationship question.

The experiment is over, however they were keeping a structured diary the whole time.  Everyday they each post their thoughts for one of the days next to one another so you can see the similarities and differences.  The thing I love most about this blog, not only is it entertaining but it is extremely educational.  This girls behavior in relationships is so much like mine and I'm sure many other girls as well.  It made me feel like my feelings and problems are normal which has been awesome.  Seeing her grow has shown me how in what capacities I have the potential to grow.  It's just such a relief to see other people who struggle with similar feelings and experiences.  If this couple hadn't made this commitment and weren't going to therapy it would have ended already and probably a lot like most of our relationships do.  But I think this is absolutely brilliant and I can't wait to read the outcome, 10 more days!!

On a side note one thing I do take from the entries so far is that our upbringing and environments really do shape our feelings and views on relationships.  Even though as we grow older we do change those views to accommodate the relationships we want and what is right for us, our foundation was laid as children.  That's one characteristic between the girl Jessie and I that hit me in the face.  Her parents are still together, married at a young age like mine.   Her big tendency is to rush into a relationship and get too serious too fast.  This is because that ground work to find "the one" and start a family is what she knows.  It subconsciously puts pressure on her and without it she feels she is failing.  That is the main feeling that I have been struggling with, failure.  What an ugly word.  Time to turn that sense of failure around into something else.  Something productive or even beautiful.

Keep the love alive,
~Ceci

Find Your Therapy

It's Monday, I hope you had a fantastic weekend.

I experimented a little this last weekend.  When a relationship ends and you no longer have the emotional support or excitement from it, suddenly long periods of time like weekends become intimidating.  I found that if I didn't keep myself busy I would end up obsessing about the relationship.  Not healthy for anyone.

This weekend I decided to, well, do me.  The second I would get a destructive thought pop into my head I would get busy doing something.  Anything.  Yes, we have all heard that it's the best way to move on.  For me it turned out to be a lot harder than I thought.

Step #1: Dinner Solo

I went out to my favorite restaurant for dinner, by myself.  Yes it was a little hard to sit there on the patio a lone, however it soon became really nice and relaxing.  With help from my smart phone of course.  I was able to catch up on Facebook and text some friends.  When I left I realized that just because I am single doesn't mean I have to give up the the things I love that make me who I am.

Step #2: Beach Therapy

The beach is where I have always found happiness and a peace I just don't get anywhere else.  My best childhood memories took place at the beach.  I love the smell of the salt water, the humid air, the sand and the sound of the seagulls.  When I look out over the waves and the ocean it is humbling and reminds me how small I really am and in turn makes my problems seem a lot smaller too.  It's impossible for me to not appreciate my life and be renewed there.  I slept in, threw on my bathing suit, packed up my dog and headed out.  That's the nice thing about living in downtown Houston, Galveston is all of 45 minutes away.  I really have no excuse to go as little as I do.  Off Dylan and I went and it turned out to be one of the best days I have had in awhile.  And the kicker is, I had a great time with just me and my dog.  It was a huge step for me and after yesterday I know now that I am finally okay on my own again.

Step #3: Travel Solo

I am attending a conference in Amsterdam for bloggers, Sept. 30-Oct 1.  Come! I am so excited.  Amsterdam is definitely on my travel list, I am 30 and if I don't start my travel now I never will.  What better place to kick off the start of the travel list? Check out the link, there are many talented bloggers going who I can't wait to meet.  I think traveling changes you in a way nothing else does and I am so excited to get going.  I have decided that being single is freedom and not a repressive thing that society would like you to believe.  It's all in your perspective, and I am going to make the best of it.  Cheers!

Find Your Therapy

Therapists are great even though they cost a small fortune.  They are wonderful for the venting stage when you just want to get it all out and don't want to drive your friends away.  However there comes a point when the bitching has to stop and it's time to do something about it.  Then, your therapist can hold you accountable sure but they will likely tell you what you already know to do.  You just haven't had the strength or willingness to do it yet.  The first step is the hardest, it was hard to make myself get out of bed and pack up the dog for the beach.  But once I got there, it was more than worth it.  It also starts a healthy momentum to keep you going in that direction.  Rediscover what it is that makes you tick as a person.  What makes you excited and wakes up that inner confidence from so very deep within.

Keep the art of loving alive,
~Ceci

What Does Homelessness Mean to You?

Hello and Happy Thursday!

    I love Thursday, it's so close to Friday you can taste it.  Since I have taken a much needed break from dating I don't have all the fun stories I used to have, however I have a feeling there will be some coming soon.  My life has calmed down a lot but it's been really nice believe it or not.

    Well today has been a fun day, I started the process of applying for my passport.  And it is a process.  I actually thought all I had to do was show up at a post office with my drivers license and cash, take the picture and that was it.  Not the case! It turns out there is an application, not surprisingly.  You also need a certified copy of your birth certificate (this takes up to 2 weeks ordered online).  THEN you may go to the approved passport location, in my case it is the downtown library, with your drivers license and cash/check in hand.  Good think I checked it out before I went (I had a feeling it was more complicated than I thought).   It usually is.  Especially when the government is concerned.  However just starting the process is so exciting to me.

Italy or Bust!

  I have always always wanted to go to Europe, Italy to be exact.  I'm not sure why Italy, I have just always been in LOVE with it.  Everything about it.  The food, the people, the architecture, the countryside, the history, the language.  Everything.  I even fantasize about moving there.  It would be my dream come true.  Italy just screams romance to me and we all know what a hopeless romantic I am.  And hey, you gotta stay inspired too.  What could inspire more than Italy? That, I don't have the answer to.



What Does Homelessness Mean to You? 

On a side note I came across this article on homelessness and our perceptions of the homeless.
http://techland.time.com/2013/07/09/a-homeless-man-and-his-blackberry/

   It really opened my eyes.  I have heard stories before about how different people became homeless and the thing that I was shocked by was how easily it could happen to any one of us at any time.  It really is just a matter of bad luck and circumstances for some people who never thought it could happen to them.  I always try to keep that in mind when I see someone on the street.  Most of the time I try my hardest not to be judgmental because I don't know their story just like they don't know mine.  It reminds me of the saying, "be kind to every one you meet because you never know what battles they're fighting." It really is so true.  We forget that the grumpy store clerk or customer could be the caregiver for a dying spouse or child.  If you knew that, I'm sure you would be a lot quicker to dismiss their rudeness.

This article spoke to me a lot too regarding our perception of what people are "worth" to our society by what they look like and what they have.  Since when did we become such a materialistic, shallow and vain society (for the most part)? I have seen it reflected in modern pop culture the most.  It is true that the environment we choose to surround ourselves with is eventually how we start to behave and think.  That's just human nature.

Some of it is inescapable for sure and you definitely want to be aware of what is going on in the world and what's trending and popular.  No one wants to live under a rock.  So then what is the answer? I think just be aware of yourself and have a clear idea about the person you want to be and portray.  For me, a getaway to the ruins of Rome and the Italian countryside is a great start. :)

The last thing I want to ask about this whole homelessness argument is, "what does it REALLY mean to be homeless? I think it is different for everyone.  To me, being homeless is being apart from the person I love.  Wherever they are, whether it be in a cardboard box under a bridge, would be home to me because that is where I'm the happiest.  It may not be a brick and mortar building, but where they are is where I belong.  So for me at this point in time I do feel homeless.  I actually feel more transient, on the way to my home I guess.  What is home to you? Is it where your family is? Where your job is? I think it depends on the values of each person.  So really you may know a "homeless" person and not even realize it!!

Something to munch on: Did you know J.Lo, Suze Orman, Jewel, Kelsey Grammer, David Letterman, Halle Berry and Jim Carrey were all homeless at one point? Some for a year or more? Check it!

Keep the art of love alive,
~Cecilia (pronounced 'che-cheelia') l'avventuroso
Yes, I'm already practicing.  Gotta be authentic, right? Let's all pray I actually return from my trip...or maybe not to return wouldn't be such a bad thing...

Modesty=Freedom??!!

Happy Post 4th of July 2013~

I hope everyone had a safe, fun and fulfilling time with family and friends.  I love July 4th, it has all my favorite things: BBQ, beer, and fire :).

The past couple days I haven't been able to stop thinking about this article I read, it was so shocking and interesting to me.  It presented a perspective I never would have considered but now that I have been thinking about it, it really does make sense.  Please read, another short article and my summary just will not do it justice.

There is a girl who lives in my building and I see her everyday on the stairwell enjoying her after work cigarette and daily phone call to her family.  I'm not sure where she is from but she dresses very modestly, she always wears flowy clothes and a head scarf.  I have been thinking about her style of dress more recently because it is summer in Houston and very hot.  More than that I wonder why she chooses to dress this way. It is obvious to me she is alone here and her family is far away.  If she chose to she could dress more "American", if you want to call it that.  Does she do it because it is what she knows and she is more comfortable that way? Or is it a religious preference? I am sure it is a combination of all the above but this article did open my eyes to other reasons women choose to dress modestly.

I thought Lauren's experiment was interesting too in that she stated she did feel more free.  In a way it reminded me of being at summer camp where we all wore our uniforms everyday.  Matching running shorts and tee shirts and all white on Sunday.  It created an equality and made it about who you were and not what you had.  I did feel more free and it was easier to make friends. For her to do this experiment in NYC I'm sure alienated her in some ways because it isn't the norm.  Like she said, it definitely weeds out those superficial people who would normally only give you their time because of your looks or what you have.  It gave her the freedom and confidence to completely be herself without hiding behind designer sunglasses or bags or whatever.

How many of us use those things to almost hide who we are or to actually blend in? I know I do...I definitely don't plan to be rocking a head scarf any time soon, but this article did make me realize that I don't have to look perfect all the time.  I just have to be me and I am no less beautiful or important whether I have a whole face of makeup on or not.

Your weekly WOW!! moment, you're welcome! :)

Keep the art of loving alive.
~Ceci

Keep a Simple Mind/Be Awesome

Happy Thursday Everyone!

I learned a great lesson today at a painting class I am attending at Pinot's Pallete. When the teacher was explaining the basic instructions she said that she would remind us to keep a simple mind if we started over thinking it.

I loved that, I think this rule could apply to other parts of our lives. There is definitely times when critical thinking and analyzing come into play. However, some things need to be felt not thought. The whole head vs heart argument. I think especially in our modern society we over think everything. We are always analyzing what people say and their reactions to us to find some hidden meaning. We need to stop, take a step back and take things for face value more. I think we would all be a lot happier if we did. I am still at painting class and my fingers hurt from writing on the minute buttons on my phone, peace out.  

Keep the love alive!
Ceci

Deep Impact: Who Is Your First Call?

Last night I watched a really oldie but a goodie. Deep Impact.  I forgot how awesome this movie is.

Brief synopsis in case you live under a rock and haven't seen it.  It is about two comets that are on a collision course for the earth.  One will cause a massive tsunami that kills millions from New York to Ohio and Europe and Africa too.  The second if it hits would cause a 2 year dust black out that would kill all civilization.  I won't spoil it just yet....watch it!

My feeling and thoughts the whole time I was watching the movie was, "If this really happened, who would be the first person I called? Who would I want to spend that time with, or be standing with at the end? What would be my biggest regrets when I heard that news? Would I have any regrets?"

Hmmm....live the question?

Keep the love alive,
~Ceci