Flawed Yet Fabulous- Just Say No to Perfection

What does being in a relationship mean?

Where do you draw the line between something being endearingly flawed and hopeless?

Where is that breaking point? How long should you hang on or keep working and when do you just "call it."

There are so many things that have been running through my head these last 6 months.  What really got the wheels turning for me recently is this amazing blog I came across written by this inspirational New York couple; fortydaysofdating.com..

Not only is the look of the blog extremely creative and modern (the writers are also graphic designers) but it's centered around what I think is a brilliant idea.  It is a question I have always wanted to know the answer to and I think these two people are going to answer it.  Can a man and woman really just be friends?

So here's what they did: GENIUS! They have been friends for about 4 years, they recently found themselves single at the same time and decided to date one another exclusively (with a set of rules) for forty days and see what happens at the end.  One rule they have is to attend therapy together once a week to work on relationship issues they know they already have (girl who rushes in and commitment-phobe).  So, they are dealing with their issues together while also asking this relationship question.

The experiment is over, however they were keeping a structured diary the whole time.  Everyday they each post their thoughts for one of the days next to one another so you can see the similarities and differences.  The thing I love most about this blog, not only is it entertaining but it is extremely educational.  This girls behavior in relationships is so much like mine and I'm sure many other girls as well.  It made me feel like my feelings and problems are normal which has been awesome.  Seeing her grow has shown me how in what capacities I have the potential to grow.  It's just such a relief to see other people who struggle with similar feelings and experiences.  If this couple hadn't made this commitment and weren't going to therapy it would have ended already and probably a lot like most of our relationships do.  But I think this is absolutely brilliant and I can't wait to read the outcome, 10 more days!!

On a side note one thing I do take from the entries so far is that our upbringing and environments really do shape our feelings and views on relationships.  Even though as we grow older we do change those views to accommodate the relationships we want and what is right for us, our foundation was laid as children.  That's one characteristic between the girl Jessie and I that hit me in the face.  Her parents are still together, married at a young age like mine.   Her big tendency is to rush into a relationship and get too serious too fast.  This is because that ground work to find "the one" and start a family is what she knows.  It subconsciously puts pressure on her and without it she feels she is failing.  That is the main feeling that I have been struggling with, failure.  What an ugly word.  Time to turn that sense of failure around into something else.  Something productive or even beautiful.

Keep the love alive,
~Ceci

Find Your Therapy

It's Monday, I hope you had a fantastic weekend.

I experimented a little this last weekend.  When a relationship ends and you no longer have the emotional support or excitement from it, suddenly long periods of time like weekends become intimidating.  I found that if I didn't keep myself busy I would end up obsessing about the relationship.  Not healthy for anyone.

This weekend I decided to, well, do me.  The second I would get a destructive thought pop into my head I would get busy doing something.  Anything.  Yes, we have all heard that it's the best way to move on.  For me it turned out to be a lot harder than I thought.

Step #1: Dinner Solo

I went out to my favorite restaurant for dinner, by myself.  Yes it was a little hard to sit there on the patio a lone, however it soon became really nice and relaxing.  With help from my smart phone of course.  I was able to catch up on Facebook and text some friends.  When I left I realized that just because I am single doesn't mean I have to give up the the things I love that make me who I am.

Step #2: Beach Therapy

The beach is where I have always found happiness and a peace I just don't get anywhere else.  My best childhood memories took place at the beach.  I love the smell of the salt water, the humid air, the sand and the sound of the seagulls.  When I look out over the waves and the ocean it is humbling and reminds me how small I really am and in turn makes my problems seem a lot smaller too.  It's impossible for me to not appreciate my life and be renewed there.  I slept in, threw on my bathing suit, packed up my dog and headed out.  That's the nice thing about living in downtown Houston, Galveston is all of 45 minutes away.  I really have no excuse to go as little as I do.  Off Dylan and I went and it turned out to be one of the best days I have had in awhile.  And the kicker is, I had a great time with just me and my dog.  It was a huge step for me and after yesterday I know now that I am finally okay on my own again.

Step #3: Travel Solo

I am attending a conference in Amsterdam for bloggers, Sept. 30-Oct 1.  Come! I am so excited.  Amsterdam is definitely on my travel list, I am 30 and if I don't start my travel now I never will.  What better place to kick off the start of the travel list? Check out the link, there are many talented bloggers going who I can't wait to meet.  I think traveling changes you in a way nothing else does and I am so excited to get going.  I have decided that being single is freedom and not a repressive thing that society would like you to believe.  It's all in your perspective, and I am going to make the best of it.  Cheers!

Find Your Therapy

Therapists are great even though they cost a small fortune.  They are wonderful for the venting stage when you just want to get it all out and don't want to drive your friends away.  However there comes a point when the bitching has to stop and it's time to do something about it.  Then, your therapist can hold you accountable sure but they will likely tell you what you already know to do.  You just haven't had the strength or willingness to do it yet.  The first step is the hardest, it was hard to make myself get out of bed and pack up the dog for the beach.  But once I got there, it was more than worth it.  It also starts a healthy momentum to keep you going in that direction.  Rediscover what it is that makes you tick as a person.  What makes you excited and wakes up that inner confidence from so very deep within.

Keep the art of loving alive,
~Ceci

What Does Homelessness Mean to You?

Hello and Happy Thursday!

    I love Thursday, it's so close to Friday you can taste it.  Since I have taken a much needed break from dating I don't have all the fun stories I used to have, however I have a feeling there will be some coming soon.  My life has calmed down a lot but it's been really nice believe it or not.

    Well today has been a fun day, I started the process of applying for my passport.  And it is a process.  I actually thought all I had to do was show up at a post office with my drivers license and cash, take the picture and that was it.  Not the case! It turns out there is an application, not surprisingly.  You also need a certified copy of your birth certificate (this takes up to 2 weeks ordered online).  THEN you may go to the approved passport location, in my case it is the downtown library, with your drivers license and cash/check in hand.  Good think I checked it out before I went (I had a feeling it was more complicated than I thought).   It usually is.  Especially when the government is concerned.  However just starting the process is so exciting to me.

Italy or Bust!

  I have always always wanted to go to Europe, Italy to be exact.  I'm not sure why Italy, I have just always been in LOVE with it.  Everything about it.  The food, the people, the architecture, the countryside, the history, the language.  Everything.  I even fantasize about moving there.  It would be my dream come true.  Italy just screams romance to me and we all know what a hopeless romantic I am.  And hey, you gotta stay inspired too.  What could inspire more than Italy? That, I don't have the answer to.



What Does Homelessness Mean to You? 

On a side note I came across this article on homelessness and our perceptions of the homeless.
http://techland.time.com/2013/07/09/a-homeless-man-and-his-blackberry/

   It really opened my eyes.  I have heard stories before about how different people became homeless and the thing that I was shocked by was how easily it could happen to any one of us at any time.  It really is just a matter of bad luck and circumstances for some people who never thought it could happen to them.  I always try to keep that in mind when I see someone on the street.  Most of the time I try my hardest not to be judgmental because I don't know their story just like they don't know mine.  It reminds me of the saying, "be kind to every one you meet because you never know what battles they're fighting." It really is so true.  We forget that the grumpy store clerk or customer could be the caregiver for a dying spouse or child.  If you knew that, I'm sure you would be a lot quicker to dismiss their rudeness.

This article spoke to me a lot too regarding our perception of what people are "worth" to our society by what they look like and what they have.  Since when did we become such a materialistic, shallow and vain society (for the most part)? I have seen it reflected in modern pop culture the most.  It is true that the environment we choose to surround ourselves with is eventually how we start to behave and think.  That's just human nature.

Some of it is inescapable for sure and you definitely want to be aware of what is going on in the world and what's trending and popular.  No one wants to live under a rock.  So then what is the answer? I think just be aware of yourself and have a clear idea about the person you want to be and portray.  For me, a getaway to the ruins of Rome and the Italian countryside is a great start. :)

The last thing I want to ask about this whole homelessness argument is, "what does it REALLY mean to be homeless? I think it is different for everyone.  To me, being homeless is being apart from the person I love.  Wherever they are, whether it be in a cardboard box under a bridge, would be home to me because that is where I'm the happiest.  It may not be a brick and mortar building, but where they are is where I belong.  So for me at this point in time I do feel homeless.  I actually feel more transient, on the way to my home I guess.  What is home to you? Is it where your family is? Where your job is? I think it depends on the values of each person.  So really you may know a "homeless" person and not even realize it!!

Something to munch on: Did you know J.Lo, Suze Orman, Jewel, Kelsey Grammer, David Letterman, Halle Berry and Jim Carrey were all homeless at one point? Some for a year or more? Check it!

Keep the art of love alive,
~Cecilia (pronounced 'che-cheelia') l'avventuroso
Yes, I'm already practicing.  Gotta be authentic, right? Let's all pray I actually return from my trip...or maybe not to return wouldn't be such a bad thing...

Modesty=Freedom??!!

Happy Post 4th of July 2013~

I hope everyone had a safe, fun and fulfilling time with family and friends.  I love July 4th, it has all my favorite things: BBQ, beer, and fire :).

The past couple days I haven't been able to stop thinking about this article I read, it was so shocking and interesting to me.  It presented a perspective I never would have considered but now that I have been thinking about it, it really does make sense.  Please read, another short article and my summary just will not do it justice.

There is a girl who lives in my building and I see her everyday on the stairwell enjoying her after work cigarette and daily phone call to her family.  I'm not sure where she is from but she dresses very modestly, she always wears flowy clothes and a head scarf.  I have been thinking about her style of dress more recently because it is summer in Houston and very hot.  More than that I wonder why she chooses to dress this way. It is obvious to me she is alone here and her family is far away.  If she chose to she could dress more "American", if you want to call it that.  Does she do it because it is what she knows and she is more comfortable that way? Or is it a religious preference? I am sure it is a combination of all the above but this article did open my eyes to other reasons women choose to dress modestly.

I thought Lauren's experiment was interesting too in that she stated she did feel more free.  In a way it reminded me of being at summer camp where we all wore our uniforms everyday.  Matching running shorts and tee shirts and all white on Sunday.  It created an equality and made it about who you were and not what you had.  I did feel more free and it was easier to make friends. For her to do this experiment in NYC I'm sure alienated her in some ways because it isn't the norm.  Like she said, it definitely weeds out those superficial people who would normally only give you their time because of your looks or what you have.  It gave her the freedom and confidence to completely be herself without hiding behind designer sunglasses or bags or whatever.

How many of us use those things to almost hide who we are or to actually blend in? I know I do...I definitely don't plan to be rocking a head scarf any time soon, but this article did make me realize that I don't have to look perfect all the time.  I just have to be me and I am no less beautiful or important whether I have a whole face of makeup on or not.

Your weekly WOW!! moment, you're welcome! :)

Keep the art of loving alive.
~Ceci

Keep a Simple Mind/Be Awesome

Happy Thursday Everyone!

I learned a great lesson today at a painting class I am attending at Pinot's Pallete. When the teacher was explaining the basic instructions she said that she would remind us to keep a simple mind if we started over thinking it.

I loved that, I think this rule could apply to other parts of our lives. There is definitely times when critical thinking and analyzing come into play. However, some things need to be felt not thought. The whole head vs heart argument. I think especially in our modern society we over think everything. We are always analyzing what people say and their reactions to us to find some hidden meaning. We need to stop, take a step back and take things for face value more. I think we would all be a lot happier if we did. I am still at painting class and my fingers hurt from writing on the minute buttons on my phone, peace out.  

Keep the love alive!
Ceci

Deep Impact: Who Is Your First Call?

Last night I watched a really oldie but a goodie. Deep Impact.  I forgot how awesome this movie is.

Brief synopsis in case you live under a rock and haven't seen it.  It is about two comets that are on a collision course for the earth.  One will cause a massive tsunami that kills millions from New York to Ohio and Europe and Africa too.  The second if it hits would cause a 2 year dust black out that would kill all civilization.  I won't spoil it just yet....watch it!

My feeling and thoughts the whole time I was watching the movie was, "If this really happened, who would be the first person I called? Who would I want to spend that time with, or be standing with at the end? What would be my biggest regrets when I heard that news? Would I have any regrets?"

Hmmm....live the question?

Keep the love alive,
~Ceci

Social Media and the Ever Elusive Monogamous Relationship

Hello and happy Memorial Day! I hope everyone is enjoying today as much as I am.

So, let's talk about this.

I bring it up because I know it has affected in some way everyone who is reading this blog...or you would not be reading it.

This is such an enormous topic I could probably write a book on it (maybe I will!), I will try to be concise and to the point with my observations.

Hmm, where to start? Let's start here:

The ADD Epidemic/Social Media/"The Grass is Always Greener" Phenomenon

Okay how many of you have been frustrated to hear your partner say, "Guess who facebooked me the other day?"  What about, "It's the weirdest thing but you know my match account that I told you I deactivated, well I am still getting emails!"

Here's the catch with these situations.  They may start out as innocent.  It may start out as innocent curiosity..."are the girls cute that emailed me?" My partner and I are having issues at the moment, maybe it wouldn't hurt just to talk to someone else and see what happens? I haven't heard from this person in forever, are they single?"  This goes for girls and guys by the way.

Yes, this may seem innocent.  No different than, say, catching up with an ex if you saw them out a bar or something.  However the impersonal nature of online gives us all a lot more confidence and anonymity than we would normally have in person.  This is where the problems begin.

We currently live in a society that has cultivated the ADD epidemic.  We have online chat and dating, online shopping, facebook, twitter, whatever.  It gives us an immediate outlet to expressing our feelings, insights, and getting our needs met immediately.  Why would someone in a committed relationship choose to stick it out during a rough patch when they can go online and instantly meet someone "better".  I use "better" in quotations because most of us know your perception of who your online interest is is not reality.  Who you want them to be and who they actually are never line up.  Most of us are left months, or years later after many of these online disappointments, wishing we had stuck it out with that one person who actually "got" us.

I have learned so much about this behavior through my own experiences and through talking to friends and hearing story after story of this same phenomenon.  Two people who could have been really happy except the urge to resist the promise of a "good time" and something new was too much and resulted in the destruction of the otherwise healthy and happy relationship.  I think this is all about perspective.

My girls and I feel that when we are with the man we love, no matter how hard it gets sometimes, we are never tempted to create a match account or flirt/kiss someone else.  Or cheat or any of that.  We ride it out, vent to our girls and go on with life.  We know that eventually the problem will resolve and all will be fine.  Why can't men do that? Why the second it is not butterflies and rainbows do they go looking for someone else? What are girls these days to do? What does that mean for the future of relationships? It is a fact that there are far less marriages now and people are waiting a lot longer to get married.  It has become the last step to adulthood when it used to be the first.  I wonder if this shows a progression of our society or a regression.

Now to my next point.

One side note to my lovely ladies out there:
There is a book called "Frumps to Pumps" by Sarah Mae.  http://www.amazon.com/Frumps-Pumps-one-month-motivotional-ebook/dp/B007IURCHE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369692727&sr=8-1&keywords=Frumps+to+Pumps

She connects scripture to being an amazing, confidant and put together woman.  It rocks.  The entry I read today stuck with me:

"She served her family and those in her care, she reached out her hands to the needy, she was alert all night in case her family needed her, she worked hard and was wise and kind, she feared the Lord." 1Peter 3:3-4  She was beautiful.  Inside and out.

I try to have fun always but also remember who I am, where I am going and who I want to be.

Always classy with kisses, keep the love alive.
~Ceci

"Million Dollar Loner"- Money Success Does Not Equal Life Success

I told I you I would go in another direction...ready?

"Million Dollar Listing"

I hate to admit this, however I am a huge fan of reality shows.  Mostly because I have a very stressful job and it helps me to zone out and forget real life for a moment.  Also, I find them hilarious.

This particular one really touched a heart string form me.  This show is about Realtors in New York and this particular episode happened during Hurricane Sandy.

One realtor Ryan lives alone.  When Sandy hits he tries to wait it out.  He has no food (are any of us prepared for that?) Shit I should be I live in Houston! He has no electricity and is forced to leave.  There is a scene where he is making calls to anyone and everyone he knows to get help.  Turns out, he realizes he has no significant relationships.  He is a typical workoholic.  He says something touching at the end of the episode when he returns to New York after staying with his parents, "I realized I have no significant relationships.  And it's my fault because I work all the time." Then in the next episode he is right back to where he was completely forgetting all that.  How many of us are like that? Really, life is unpredictable.  I realized a year ago when I got in an almost fatal car accident in downtown Houston.  By the absolute grace of God I survived but since that day I have never taken one day of my life for granted because I feel like every day and moment and breath is a blessing.  When I call my friends or my family, they pick up or call me back ASAP.  That's because since that accident I have put all I have in my personal relationships because I realized that day this life is empty without them.

Going away note: the people in your life make your life worth living for.  Don't neglect them, choose them wisely and nurture them the best you know how.  Because when shit hits the fan (weather, injury, illness-cancer, or unemployment) you will be GLAD you did.  They will be your rescuers and will keep your life happy and meaningful.  Just say'in!

Keep the love alive,
~Ceci